About Kasia
My whole life I had planned on being a mom, and I was going to be the best mom. After my first three kids, I found myself deep in depression and anxiety trying so hard to force my life into an idealistic and impossible dream. I had believed in order to be successful as a good mom I had to turn off all goals, dreams and growth. I didn’t realize how much it was hurting me. Once I realized this it wasn’t an overnight change, but rather a slow crawl back into self-acceptance, and first of all: giving myself permission to want.
I have always been a creative.
My mother had taught me to sew as a kid, and I’d taught myself pattern-making and other custom sewing skills. I had also poured myself into cooking and am a tough food critic because a lot of times—I can make it better. As I began the journey to heal my mind, I realized I’d always been infatuated with DIY. At the time I’d never, because lies. I’d design and then I’d have the husband do it, because gender roles. But a tough part of doing it that way was having to pitch every change, and convince him it would be worth it, for both his time, the money, and the resale value of our 1100sqft house. One day I got tired of pitching, and I cut the drywall out to run new electrical for sconces by the fireplace. By the time husband got home from work I had the wires run, light boxes attached, and a hole drilled into the attic ready for wire to be fished up to connect to power. Over the next few weeks I tried out drywall, installed shiplap, and installed the sconces. No sooner had that project been done then I turned my sights on the only bathroom’s shower surround.
The bug had bit.
I was hooked. I took on renovating the kitchen, painting the cabinets, new over-the-range microwave, teak butcher-block countertops, farmhouse sink. Around the time we were doing countertops I became pregnant with our fourth son.
Two months after fourth son was born we picked up shop and moved to Arizona into a 2800-square-foot tract home built in 2002. Home renovations have become a form of therapy. Then it started to evolve from home renovation into more. I’ve tried reupholstering, building furniture, took interior design courses, sculpting, painting and drawing, and am now a year deep into woodworking. While I still have depressive and anxious episodes, I have healed loads. Giving myself the freedom to create, to try, to want, and to reach, I have given myself the freedom to create myself into whatever and whoever I want to be. Yes, I am a mom, but my identity goes so far beyond that. And one of the best parts, I am a much better mom. And as my oldest starts into the tween years, I can help him overcome his perfectionist tendencies because he’s always seeing me fail and move on.
